Actors are probably the only art makers who can be told (in
response to gestures they make with their vocal and physical apparatus, their
own attributes and their responses) by an observer that what they have
palpably executed is not real or truthful.
Anuradha Kapur, "Actors Prepare",
Theatre India, National School of Drama's Theatre
Journal,
May 2004, Number Nine, ed. by, K S Rajendran, pp.
8-9
1
House Arrest
The roof of
Kankhowa’s house leaks
Thousands of eyes
from the evening sky
Keep staring at me
I cannot go out
I cannot stay in
2
I am an actor
I am an actor. Very
limited my abilities are.
It’s been a long time
I left home for my studies,
I know a lot of you
share the same story.
But as an actor I
dwell in this particular body.
This body of mine is
my house.
Wherever I go, I
carry this house with me.
Or, say, this mobile
house brings me within it.
I cannot get out of
this house.
If I do, I’m no more
an actor.
Sometimes I feel
neither can I enter in this house of mine.
You might laugh at my
words,
But these things have
always disturbed me.
If acting is an art,
I transform this very body to an art object,
and present it in
front of you.
My dear audience,
look, please look at me,
even now I am doing
the same thing.
Right now I cannot go
out of this space even if I wish to,
I cannot go and take
a nap,
I cannot go out for
some tea.
3
Buy me. Purchase me.
Sometimes I wish if I
were a barber
And give you a hair
cut
And if I could make
some money out of it.
I am an actor with
limited abilities.
I know very little
things, very little things I can do
I cannot fly kites,
I cannot drive,
I cannot play a dotara,
I love you so much
without even knowing you
I don’t know how much
I will love you after I see you. I
hardly can assume
I don’t know how to
write a poem.
It would have been
better if I were a farmer.
Or a retailer of
garments.
To sale my goods and
make money.
Buy me. Purchase me.
I am for sale. I am a commodity.
It would have been
better if I were a painter.
I would have painted
and made money.
But I am just an
actor. A performer.
I turn my body to an
work. I don't make art. This body of mine is an object of art.
Buy me, I want to
make some money.
Buy me.
Purchase me.
I don’t have a house
that I can sell and make money.
I cannot rent a house
to dwell in.
I carry a house, my
body, all the time.
4
I am an actor
I am an actor. Before
and after being an actor, I am a spectator.
I see, I can see,
It is important that
I should see.
I have to see other
people looking at me.
Therefore, if I am an
actor,
there are many
spectators inside me, They share the house with me.
That is why I am
confused, how many people live in my house.
I lose myself in my
own house.
My house is so full
of people that I cannot enter my own house.
I remember Lalon
Fakir. I remember Kabir.
5
I exit in, I enter out
There is somebody
else dwelling inside my house.
Neither I can see nor
can I touch, beyond of my knowledge.
Though I hardly know
his name, I can feel his grief.
We stay in the same
house, but we are far apart.
No postman ever came,
in search of him.
The telephone never
rang for him.
I mostly buy
vegetables for him as well
When I do it for me,
I care for him.
.
I cannot lock my
house while going out
Since he never comes
out of the house.
He never sleeps
properly like someone suffering from asthma.
Because of him I too
wake up many times during the night.
The moment I play the
ektaara, you pick up the percussion
But who's there to play the false notes, I can't guess.
You prepare the color
and I paint the canvas with passion
But who is there to
make it a mess?[1]
I go in and come out
all the time
Looking for him,
I go in and come out,
go in and come out.
And a time comes when
I don’t know, if I am inside or outside.
I exit in, I enter
out.
6
There is a
house inside the house
Dear,
Amongst the crowd I
do search for you.
There
is a house inside the house.
And
there is a house in the house that is again inside the house.
And
there is a house in the house that is inside the house of that house.
And
there is a house inside the house of that house which is inside the house of
that house which is again inside the house of another house….
And
then another house inside the…
I
don’t know which house you live in. where do you inhabit.
I
enter a house looking for you and you enter another house,
I
enter another house and you go inside a different one.
Thus
I spend my days.
It’s
been a long time I’m neither inside the house, nor outside actually
I
don’t know how many houses are there inside my house.
I
don’t even know who built this house.
I
just know that you are there somewhere
You are there.
With a constant
stare.
Notes:
THE BODY HOUSE OF AN ACTOR
was partially performed in Ghar Katha, a disposable theatre experience by Kankhowa as a part of the 75th anniversary of Baroda Ameteur Dramatic Club
Manjalpur, baroda, 28th Aug. 2010
THE BODY HOUSE OF AN ACTOR
was partially performed in Ghar Katha, a disposable theatre experience by Kankhowa as a part of the 75th anniversary of Baroda Ameteur Dramatic Club
Manjalpur, baroda, 28th Aug. 2010
On the same text there was a wall painted animated movie
done with the students of National Institute of Design (NID), in Ahmedabad,
February, 2011
The Assamese version was published in SADIN an Assamese
weekly published from Guwahati
The Text was later explored in an experiemental theatre
experience “HouseHOLD” at Kiran Nadar Museum of Art, Delhi, in November 2011
In February 2012 the text was explored in various public art
projects under R. A. P. E 2012 (Regional Art, Performance and Events), in
Guwahati.
The text is a part of a larger multidisciplinary project
undertaken by Kankhowa (Samudra Kajal Saikia) known as “Disposable House”.
Presently preparing for some book publishing projects and an exhibition at
Vadhera Art Gallery, New Delhi.
A Performance Text by: Samudra Kajal Saikia
kankhowa@gmail.com
mobile: 9811375594
